Lombax Tails and the Memory Banks of Robots
by Hyena with a Pen
Summary: Simply put; various Ratchet and Clank Oneshots. I only made this out of pure boredom during severe writer's block. R&R!
1. I Miss You

Set during A Crack In Time. While I was playing this game, I always thought of how Clank felt, being so far away from Ratchet. I thought about what his first night in the Great Clock must've been like; finding out who he was, what his purpose was, wondering if Ratchet was looking for him.

Yes, I'm only writing this because I'm bored. No, this is not intended to be one of those R&C pairings. If you perceive it like that, then that's your problem! :P

Please enjoy. R&R, but don't be too harsh. ^^;

* * *

Clank sighed, staring out the huge window of the room he was in. Sigmund had told him that this was to be his quarters, now that he was Senior Caretaker.

_That is right…_he thought. _I never knew what my purpose was…not before today, anyway…_He was so confused by everything that had happened that day. More than once, he thought he was dreaming. _There is…no way that I could ever be so important…_he thought. After all, he never did anything very special; nothing any other robot could've done anyway. At least, that was the way he viewed it. Others had told him quite differently. They told him that he was special, that he was a hero.

He never believed a word of it. The way he saw it, all he ever did was ride around on the back of that Lombax, Ratchet.

_Ratchet…_He thought of his friend, whom he hadn't seen in two years. He wondered if he was worried about him, or if he even thought about him. Then, he shook his head. _That is absurd…_he thought. _Of course he is worried about me…_

_Just as I am worried about him…_

With the return of Nefarious, he wondered if the Lombax would be alright without him. He knew he could handle it himself, but he still worried about him.

He looked down at the scepter he was holding, the way it glowed when in contact with his hand. Then, he looked back out the window at the rest of the clock, the gears turning as with any other clock or watch. But he knew this place was special; if it weren't for this place, the entire universe would be destroyed. _That is why…I must protect it at all costs…_

_But…Ratchet…_

Suddenly, he heard the door to the room open. He turned around to find Sigmund standing in the doorway. "Am I interrupting something, sir?" he asked. Clank shook his head. "No, Sigmund…" he said, turning back to the window. "I was just thinking…"

"About what?" He walked up to his side as he spoke.

"Nothing much, really…" he replied quietly. "Just…my life, I guess…"

"Are you okay, sir? You don't sound so good…"

"I am…fine…" Clank was unconvincing in his words, and Sigmund knew something was wrong. "I know that's not true," he said, catching his new friend's attention. "You can tell me if you want to, but I won't make you."Clank hesitated for a moment before finally turning to face his fellow Caretaker. "I was just thinking…" he began. "about my friend…Ratchet…"

"Oh, the Lombax hero, right?" Clank nodded. "Yeah, we've heard a lot about him around here. Even before you came here." He nodded again, turning back to the window. Sigmund didn't know what to say to make him feel better. "I…know it probably doesn't help, sir…" he began, placing a hand on the tiny robot's shoulder. "…but I'm sure he's looking for you…I'm certain he must be worried about you."

"I know, Sigmund…" he sighed. He looked out to the heavens; the stars, planets, moons, the occasional comet passing slowly by. He wondered where Ratchet was now.

"I know…"

"Well, pardon my changing the subject, sir," Sigmund began. "Thinking about it won't help much of anything right now." He walked toward the door, then turned around to say, "You should get some rest, sir. You've got a busy day ahead of you tomorrow." Clank nodded and walked solemnly over to a nearby couch. "And sir?" He turned to face Sigmund, still standing in the doorway. "Yes, Sigmund?" he asked.

"If you need anyone to talk to…well, I just want you to know, I'll always be willing to listen to you." Clank looked at him, confused at first, then he smiled softly. "Thank you, Sigmund…" he said. "That really means a lot to me…" Sigmund nodded as he walked out of the room. "Good night, sir!" he said as the door closed. Clank hopped onto the couch, leaning the scepter up against the side of it, and lay down, closing his eyes. "Good night, Sigmund…" he whispered, more to himself than the Junior Caretaker. Then, before slipping into sleep mode, he whispered one final thing to himself.

"Good night…Ratchet…"

* * *

Short, sweet, and to the point! I felt kind of sad for Clank, both when I was playing the game and when I was writing this. After all, they're such great friends…*cries*

Anyway, I may come up with more stuff like this, so be on the lookout!:D:D:D


	2. Memories

Yet another oneshot! :D

I need to get a life…XD

------------------

"Ratchet…" Azimuth began as the two left the surface of planet Lumos. "There's…something I didn't mention about the clock. If we succeed - if we fix the past and stop Tachyon…the present as you know it will no longer exist…"

"You mean I…won't remember Clank?" the young Lombax asked, his ears drooping.

"I mean…you will never have met him in the first place. The clock may offer some sort of temporal immunity to those who use it, but…there are no guarantees…" Ratchet thought about the general's words for a moment, then replied, "If this is my only chance to save my family…I have to take it…"

"Good!" Azimuth sounded joyful, quite contrary to the dismal and almost saddened tone he had taken not moments ago. "Now, don't be alarmed, but I've picked up Vorselon's signature not far from our location. I'll go stall him while you head to Zanifar and confront Dr. Nefarious! And remember; if Orvus is alive, it's imperative that you get the clock's location from him! Good luck!" Finishing his sentence, the white Lombax flew off in the direction of Vorselon's ship.

Ratchet flew his ship slowly through the sector, almost completely unaware of where he was going; he was too deep in thought to notice. _Am I really doing the right thing here? _he thought to himself. _After all…Clank is my best…my only friend…We've had so many good times…_His mind wandered off to the many memories with the robot.

--

_The tiny robot opened his eyes as he sat on a ledge, quite different from what he remembered - he remembered flying away from Drek's troops in one of the ships. He also remembered being shot down to the nearest planet's surface. He saw a small creature, one resembling a humanoid cat, standing on a crate next to a tiny blue ship with its head in the hood. The robot got up and walked towards the creature as it continued to work on the ship. He looked at it confused as it finally took the upper half of its body out of the ship; it was obviously male and wore nothing more than a simple pair of jeans. The creature looked at his ship, partially proudly, partially in disappointment._

"_Interesting," the robot said. The creature in front of him jumped back off the crate in shock and landed with a thud on his back. He looked down at him as he got up. "You are quite handy with your wrench." He brushed the dirt off his arm and looked down at the metallic being next to him. "You bet," he said proudly. "I built that ship with it!" The robot looked thoughtful for a moment at the ship, then back at the creature. "Currently, I am in search of someone who may be of assistance in saving the solar system," he said. "Do you know where I might find that fellow?" He motioned towards the poster of Captain Qwark in his garage. _

"_Well, he's on the radio every week…" he replied. "Other than that, no." He looked suspiciously at the robot. "Hey, what's with all this 'save the solar system' stuff, anyway?" The robot took an infobot out of the tiny compartment on his chest. _How the heck does that work?! _the cat-like creature though as the infobot's screen enlarged, showing a video of 'Chairman Drek' and his plan to take a massive portion out of one of the planets._

"_The people on those planets are hosed!" he said once the video was over. "Well, good luck getting Captain Qwark to help ya."_

"_Actually, you could help me!" the robot said. "If you could use your ship to take me to the planet with these coordinates, I may be able to gather further information there."_

_"Even if I wanted to, I can't! I'm missing a crucial component of the ship…" His ears drooped as he finished his sentence. The robot scanned the ship carefully, then looked back at the creature in front of him. "The robotic ignition system," he said._

"_How did you know that?"_

_"I, sir, happen to be equipped with the latest in robotic ignition systems. My programming allows me to start any ship I choose."_

_"So, I agree to take you to this…wherever it is…and you get my ship started for me?"_

_"That is what I am proposing." Suddenly, Drek's troops landed just a few feet away from them. The creature looked from the enemy ships back to the tiny robot in front of him. "Deal!" he said, walking towards the ship._

_._

_._

_._

"_Whoa, this is great!" the young creature said, looking at the stars around them, then back at planet Veldin below them. "So, _that's _where I've been stuck this whole time!"_

"_Please, return your appendages to the steering mechanism, sir!" the robot said, almost worried about what might happen if he didn't. "Huh?" he replied, turning to face the robot in the passenger seat. "Oh, yeah. Right." He laughed sheepishly, grasping the steering wheel. "Sorry." The, he turned to face his passenger and said, "And by the way. You can stop calling me sir. The name's Ratchet."_

"_Pleased to make your acquaintance…" he began, then finished mockingly, "Sir."_

_"You got a name?"_

_As the robot began reciting his serial number to him, Ratchet let his curiosity get the best of him and pressed one of the buttons, causing the ship to tilt to the right. "Oops!" he said. The robot fell over onto the side of the ship, making a clanking sound as he did. Ratchet looked thoughtfully at him as the robot shook his head. "I'll just call you Clank for short." He looked forward again, noticing they were nearing their destination and prepared to land the ship. "Hang on!"_

_--_

Ratchet laughed as he remembered how the two met. _Good times…_he thought. _Good times…we had so many of them, too…That was just the first of many…_

--

"_Clank?" Ratchet said, looking down at the robot strapped to the table below. "Clank!" he said again. "Okay, Clank. Don't move!" _As if he can! _he thought, trying to think of a way to free his friend. "I-I'm comin' down!"_

_Suddenly, he looked behind him - only he was a little too late. By the time he turned around, the thief had managed to sneak behind him and push him down onto the floor below where Clank was. Just as suddenly as he had appeared, the thief ran off as Ratchet looked up at him. "Son of a Qwark!" he cursed as he got up. He walked up to his friend. "Okay, pal…" he said. "Let's get you up and running again." He took out a gadget and pushed it into the port next to the table._

_A few moments later, the robot shot upright; he was finally conscious again. "Final digit of pi is-" the robot began, still coming to his senses._

"_Clank?" Ratchet said. He looked over at the Lombax. "Clank, are you okay?!"_

"_Ratchet?" Clank asked. "Where are we?" He looked around curiously at his surroundings. "Hmm…I must have dosed off…""Come on," Ratchet said, walking away to search for an exit. "Let's try to find a way out of here.""I believe that air duct may provide our only way out," Clank said, pointing to an exposed air vent. Ratchet nodded, picked up the robot, and carried him over to the duct. He crawled out and began searching for a way out of the room._

_--_

"That was a good one too…" he chuckled. "Or there was the time back on Pokitaru…"

--

_Scooping up the finishing handful of sand, Clank looked proudly at the sculpture of himself he had just completed and chuckled. The time and effort he had put into his work of art had finally paid off; the sculpture looked just like him, standing tall and proud as if guarding the entire beach._

_Then, all his work was destroyed as the Lombax walked across the beach, trampling over the sculpture, carrying a large red beach umbrella. Clank looked dismayed at his work, now lying on the beach in miserable bits and pieces, then glared at the Lombax as he set up his umbrella next the his chair. "Ah, much better," he said, leaping into the chair and laying back, his hands behind his head and his legs crossed. "The sun's murder today…"_

_Clank shook his head and got up, walking over to the chair next to his friend. "I'm telling' ya, Clank," Ratchet began sitting forward as the robot passed. "I'm done with all that hero stuff. Let someone else save the universe for once!" Clank jumped up onto the chair and grabbed an oilcan from the table next to him. The Lombax lay back down and rested his hands on his chest, yawning. "I need a little 'Me Time'…"_

_Clank began squirting some of the oil in his eyes as he spoke: "If the universe is in jeopardy, then it is our duty as heroes to-" But he was cut off by the sound of Ratchet snoring next to him; it was obvious he was being ignored, something he did not take kindly to. Frustrated, he slammed the oilcan back down onto the table next to him and crossed his arms._

_After a few moments, Ratchet jumped out of his chair in shock - a bright flash of light had awakened him. Immediately, he glared over at Clank. "What'd ya do that for?!" he demanded. Clank innocently pointed to his right as he held down the newspaper he had been flipping through. Ratchet looked to the right to find a young girl, probably only around seven or eight, holding up a photograph of the shocked Lombax. The girl had pale skin and short red hair, which she kept up in four pigtails at the sides of her head. She wore overalls and a white t-shirt underneath. She smiled and, looking over at Ratchet as he got up, took another picture. "Whoa!" he said, still half-asleep. "Hey, uh…what're you doin'?"_

_"I'm taking pictures…" she began. "For my school project! I'm doing a report on heroes, and I recognize you from the papers!" She looked back down at one of the pictures, then continued, looking back up at him. "You're Ratchet, right?"_

"_Well," he began proudly. "I see you have a talent for recognizing greatness…" Clank shook his head and raised the newspaper again - there on the front page was a picture of Ratchet._

"_I was wondering…if I could get some pictures of you doing some heroic action!"_

"_Well, there's nothing really here to do…" he said. Then, his ears perked up and he looked over at Clank. "Oh, I could lift Clank up over my head!" he said, kneeling down to her level. "How 'bout that?"_

"_I was thinking maybe you could…fight some robots or something!" She rocked back and forth on her heels as she continued. "I know where you could find some!" Ratchet took a notepad off of the table next to his chair and looked at one of the sheets of paper. "Well, I do have a massage scheduled in five minutes, but…" He looked down at the little girl as she stared adoringly at him. "Ah, what the heck!" he said, tossing the notepad aside. He jumped up and down and continued; "I could use the exercise! Come on, Clank!" Clank got up out of his chair as Ratchet turned to follow the child. "Let's go put on a show for our little reporter."_

_--_

_Who would've thought something so cute could be so deadly…_he thought, laughing.

"Pardon the intrusion," Aphelion said. "But we are nearing planet Zanifar." Her words finally snapped Ratchet out of his thoughts. He looked forward and saw that she was right. "All right," he began, nearing the barrier. "Engage ship tether." Aphelion did as instructed and pulled the versa-fuses out of two of the barrier generators, creating an opening for them to land. He slipped back into his thoughts for a moment before they reached the planet's surface.

_I don't think I can go through with this…_he thought.

_Not if it means losing Clank…_

_-------------------_

I was bored. 'Nuff said. XD


	3. Thinking Of You

I have no idea quite what inspired this; guess I just got reeeeaaaally bored (again). Before I get comments asking things like, "What happened to you?", this is in no way, shape, or form some sort of vent for any emotions whatsoever. I just wanted to write something like this for no apparent reason.

Now that that's cleared up, some details that may help with the setting. Told from Ratchet's point of view and takes place in the Apogee Space Station after Tools Of Destruction and before Quest For Booty. In a nutshell; Ratchet has been searching for Clank for a while now and has returned to the space station for some well-earned rest. Problem is that he can't seem to get it, so he loses himself in his thoughts. As you're reading this, just imagine him aimlessly wandering around the space station; exterior, terrarium, etc.

Enjoy and please review!

_____________

Great. Just great. Another night like this? How long will this go on?!

I should be asleep by now; it's three in the morning, for heaven's sake! I'm exhausted and all I want is a little sleep. Is that so much to ask?

Evidently, yes it is.

It's been like this every night for the past few months…and it just keeps getting worse. When it first started, I just kept waking up. But now, if I fall asleep, I wake up screaming from the nightmares. And often times, I don't fall asleep at all! All I want to know now is why I can't get five minutes of sleep without fear or sadness!

…but deep down…I guess I know why…

It's because I'm thinking of you…

Thinking of you…wondering where you are…wondering how you're doing or if you're even alive. Lately, it's all I've been able to think about.

I've been turning it all over in my head since it happened…since those little monsters took you away. I think you called them the "Zoni". You said they were helping you. You told me they were our friends.

Either you were lying…or they deceived you.

If these _things _cared about you so much…if they _really _knew what you truly meant to me…then why did they take you away from me like this?! I don't care what their reasons may have been; there's no excuse for this! They stabbed us both in the back!

…and now here I am…wandering around the space station…asking myself all these questions, living my worst nightmare.

Losing you.

To me, this is the worst possible thing that could happen. All I can think about is everything that might happen or may have already happened to you. Cronk and Zephyr try to keep my mind off you, but it never works. Talwyn tells me not to worry, but I can't help it. It's easy for her to tell me not to worry about it, but I'm sure that if it were Cronk or Zephyr, she'd worry just as much. And vice-versa.

I just don't get it. I'm feeling so many things at once; anger, fear, sadness…insanity. This is so unlike me! I never worry about anything like this! _Never_! And I feel like I'm losing my mind! This has never happened before!

…none of this has ever happened…until now…

I'm sure that's why I'm feeling so lost and confused…I've never lost you before…

But mark my words, I _will _find you!

Whoa…somehow…I'm already out on one of the asteroids.

Oh, screw it! I can't take this anymore! I'm leaving again…and this time, I'm not coming back unless I have you with me! I don't care what the others say or think!

I just can't live without my best…no…my _only _friend…

_____________

Short, sweet, and to the point! Also, for anyone who may be thinking it, this is not intended to be one of those weird RxC fanfics. This is merely my perception of what Ratchet must've been feeling soon after Clank was snatched out of the space station by the Zoni. Hope ya liked it! Not necessarily the best thing I've ever written in my entire life, but I've had this idea stuck in my head all day and just had to let it out! :)


	4. My Stalker, Snicklefritz

**I've had a sort of an idea in my head for this one since last September! I can't believe it took me this long to figure out all the little details about it!**

**This was inspired by one of my friend's nicknames, and I thought of the details while reading a crackfic in a completely different category. Also, this has absolutely **_**nothing **_**to do with my Shadows of Time trilogy.**

**Enjoy the insanity! :D**

* * *

_Finally. _the Lombax thought to himself as he sat back in his chair. _A little 'me' time…just what the doctor ordered._ He and his little robot companion had just returned to Solana from the Polaris Galaxy after stopping the destruction of the Great Clock, and they both felt they needed a bit of a vacation. So, upon returning to their home, they made a beeline for Pokitaru, the number-one vacation spot in the galaxy. After reserving a room in one of the planet's five-star hotels, the two had gathered up a pair of beach towels, some sunglasses for Ratchet, and a small shovel and pale and quickly made their way to the white sandy beach outside.

Now, as the afternoon sun shined down brightly and the waves gently lapped the shore, Ratchet lay reclined in a large white chair with a blue beach towel draped over the back. He placed his sunglasses over his eyes to shield them from the sun's harsh rays, then folded his hands behind his head and sighed. Clank sat about three feet away with the shovel and pale, carefully working on a larger-than-actual-size sand statue of a Zoni. The robot looked proudly at his sculpture as he very meticulously began crafting its thin antennae.

"I'm tellin' ya, Clank," Ratchet exhaled. "This is just what we need. The sun. the surf." He then lifted his sunglasses and looked to his right, where three girls strode along the beach. "The babes," he continued, smiling. The robot simply shook his head at his partner and continued working on the sculpture. "I don't know about you, buddy, but I think we deserve a nice, long vacation." After a moment, the Lombax finally settled back into his chair, replacing the sunglasses. He soon fell into a light sleep as the sun warmed his fur.

"Uh…Ratchet?" came Clank's voice after a while. He lifted his sunglasses onto his forehead and looked back at the tiny robot. "What?" he asked. His partner simply pointed and said, "Above you." Almost afraid to look, he lifted his gaze to see what his friend was pointing at. As soon as he did, he shrieked shrilly and jumped out of his chair, landing with a thud onto his back. He shook his head, flinging the sunglasses into the sand, then looked back up. Clinging to the back of his chair was a little girl of about eight years. Her skin was light purple, her eyes green, and she had short, light-brown hair. On her freckled face was a pair of round wireframe glasses. She wore a simple pair of overalls with pink flowers dotting the front and a white t-shirt underneath. On each foot was a magenta sandal. She stared at the Lombax with an amazed (and somewhat creepy) smile.

"Cool!" she shrieked as she leapt down from the chair and dashed over to him. He tried to get up, but she plowed him over as she ran into him. For a while, the little girl just stood on his chest, leaning forward and staring at him with that same strange smile. "Cool!" she finally repeated in a shrill tone. The Lombax found himself speechless at the odd child. He was finally about to speak when she said, "I'm Snicklefritz!"

"Snicklefritz?" he asked, his voice cracking. She nodded enthusiastically and finally jumped off of him, relieving the pressure on his chest. He sat up and gasped for breath. "You're Ratchet!" Snicklefritz screeched, pointing at him. He smiled weakly and nodded. She then bounced excitedly up and down. "Cool! I'm your biggest fan!" she shouted joyfully. He had encountered crazy fans before - even some of which _were_, to his surprise, children - but there was something a little…off…about this one. Perhaps it was that crazed look in her eyes, or the unnaturally happy expression on her face. He couldn't quite put his finger on it.

Still, he'd have to be very cold-hearted to say anything even slightly offensive to a face like that. Instead, he just sighed with a smile and returned to his chair after picking up his sunglasses and placing them back over his green eyes. Once again, he lay back, ignoring his surroundings for a while.

His aloofness was short-lived, however, as he felt the sensation that he was being watched…closely. He opened his eyes again to see Snicklefritz standing next to his chair, the same smile still plastered on her face. It almost seemed like she was very interested in the fact that he was lying there on the beach. "Can I help you?" he asked after a long moment, sitting up as he did. The little girl didn't respond, but continued to stare at him with wonder and amazement. Finally, he waved a hand in front of her eyes. "Cool!" she shouted, causing him to jump.

_Is everything I do cool to this kid? _he wondered to himself.

"Oh, my gosh! I have to get my friend! Wait here!" After that, the child was off and running down the beach. His ears drooped against the back of his head as he watched her disappear in a cloud of kicked-up dust.

After sitting there stunned for a while, he got up and gathered his things. "Come on, Clank," he said to the robot as he finally finished the Zoni sculpture before looking up at him. "What?" Clank asked.

"Come on! Let's get out of here before that kid comes back!"

"Ratchet…honestly. It is a little girl."

"Yeah, and a creepy one at that! Come on, already!" Shaking his head, Clank finally left his creation and followed his partner as he hurried back toward the towering hotel building.

Clank sighed as he flipped indecisively through the channels on the large, wall-mounted holovision set in their hotel room, which also included a balcony outside looking down on the beach from a good ten stories up and a whirlpool bath. His mind was still on the little girl that Ratchet had been trying to avoid before. He didn't know why he was trying to evade the child - there didn't seem to be anything wrong with her as far as the robot could tell. Still, his companion kept insisting that there was something "weird about that creepy little kid," as the Lombax had put it.

He sighed and shook his head, scooting back on his bed, and finally settled on a show - "The Creation of the Universe" on The Science Channel. From around the corner from his bed, which was closest to the door to the room, he could hear Ratchet starting a hot shower, followed by the sound of him pulling on the thick white fabric of the shower curtains. _Perhaps that will help calm his nerves…_he thought as the show opened on an image of a thousand swirling galaxies surrounded by pure blackness. He leaned forward, enthralled with the program.

As for Ratchet, he simply stood under the showerhead, letting the hot water rinse down his body as a thick cover of steam rose into the air. For some reason, he felt filthy, even though he knew he wasn't, and a hot shower was surprisingly refreshing.

After about fifteen minutes, he turned off the water and pushed the curtain aside to grab a towel. When he did, he saw that he wasn't alone, and he immediately shrieked and jumped back, covering himself with the curtain. Standing there next to the shower was Snicklefritz, accompanied by another little girl around the same age. The other one was a little taller than her, and had bright green skin and brown eyes, as well as a long pair of antennae sticking up from her long black hair. She wore a yellow dress with white tights and a pair of black shoes with silver buckles on them.

"Hi, Ratchet!" Snicklefritz said with an animated wave and smile. "This is Skookum!"

"Hi, I'm Skookum!" the other girl repeated with an equally animated wave. Her voice was like nails on glass. For a moment, Ratchet just stared in disbelief at the two, then said, "How did you-"

"I pick locks!" Skookum said with a huge grin. Ratchet's left eye twitched angrily as his mouth hung open at his obvious "creepers".

Clank still sat on his bed, entranced by his show as he loosely held onto the holovision remote in his hands. This had to be the most amazing show he'd ever seen! It was finally getting to the big bang theory when…

"CLAAAANK!"

The robot jumped, launching the remote into the air as he heard the Lombax's voice roar out his name from the bathroom. He tried to catch the flying object as it fell, fumbling around with it before he finally grasped it and set it down on the bed. After that, he dashed to the bathroom door to find that it was slightly ajar. He pushed the door open enough for him to enter. "Ratchet!" he called as he entered the room. "What is - oh, my…" He froze as soon as he saw the two children standing there, Ratchet still holding the shower curtain against his body. For a second, he stood motionless, staring at the two little girls. "How did you…"

"I pick locks!" Skookum said once again.

"Just…get them…OUT!" Ratchet snarled through clenched teeth. The robot didn't even need to move - the two waved goodbye to the Lombax and happily skipped out of the room and into the hallway.

"Still think I'm overreacting?" Ratchet growled as Clank stared stunned in the direction they had just skipped off in.

"They are just a little too…enthusiastic…" the robot said, still turned to the door as Ratchet grabbed a towel from the towel rack and wrapped it around his waist.

"You call it enthusiastic," he said, facing the mirror and using another towel to dry his ears. "I call it stalking!"

"Ratchet, they are just little-"

"I know they're little girls, but I'm telling you, they're creeping on me!" He whirled around to face him just in time to see him shake his head. Ratchet simply snorted and turned back to the mirror, proceeding to dry his face.

After lounging in their hotel room for the duration of Clank's show (which lasted about three hours), the duo finally made their way down to a shop in the lobby. Ratchet had decided to try surfing, and was now looking for a board. Clank, on the other hand, was examining the technology on display.

"What do you think of this one?" Ratchet asked with his back turned to him as he looked over a simple black board with a yellow stripe running down the middle.

"Er…Ratchet?" Clank said.

"What? It's not that bad." He turned to face him only to find the two little girls who had broken into their hotel room several hours prior. "Hi, Ratchet!" they said in unison. His ears twitched as he glared at them. Clank switched his attention from the children to his partner and back, looking almost worried.

Then, huffing, Ratchet grabbed a random board from the wall and rushed over to the counter to pay for it, never taking his eyes off the two as they continued to stare. After he had paid for the board, he and Clank hurriedly made their way out of the shop, the clerk flashing the Lombax a strange glance as they exited.

Clank struggled to stifle a laugh as Ratchet waxed his new surfboard, grumbling to himself several choice curses as he did. In his rush to leave the shop, he hadn't grabbed the black board he was looking at, but instead took a pink one with a tropical flower pattern on it. Before long, the robot couldn't hold in his laughter any longer. His partner glared at him as he heard his trademark chuckle. "Shut up," he growled.

"Oh, Ratchet," he finally said. "Do not be like that."

"You're not helping. And this is _not _funny. You saw them! They're stalking me!"

"So, they might have a little crush on you…"

"A little crush?" He finally stood up from the board and stepped toward him. "No. A little crush is a kid throwing spitballs at someone in the middle of class! This is OCD!"

"But they are just children, Ratchet. They get these meaningless little crushes all the time, and they never last."

"You can tell me that in the Happy Hotel!" After that, he took his board and made his way into the water, paddling out to a wave that began rolling into shore.

Then, about three feet away from the wave, a gray pointed fin could be seen sticking out above the water's surface and swimming around him, followed by another. Fearing a shark attack, he paddled as fast as he could, but the two managed to keep up with him. After a moment of this, he felt something clamp around his right ankle and yank down, pulling him off his board and under the surface. "Ratchet!" Clank called out as he watched from the beach.

As the Lombax floated under the surface of the water, he looked around. On either side of him was one of the pursuers, only they weren't sharks. On his left was Snicklefritz; Skookum was on his right. They each had a gray pointed fin tied to their back, and wore an O2 mask and a pair of flippers. He felt his blood boil as they waved at him. Then, he attempted to yell at them, but only succeeded in releasing the air from his lungs. Remembering that he was underwater without his own oxygen recycling system, he swam as fast as he could to the surface, where his board still floated. He burst up out of the water, gasping for breath as the two children rose up next to him.

"Are you two crazy?" he sputtered as he climbed back onto his board. Of course, he already knew the answer to this question. "You could've killed me!"

"We were just playing," Snicklefritz said innocently.

"Let's do it again!" Skookum screeched, lifting her arms high above her head. Ratchet simply cursed to himself once more as he turned and paddled back to shore.

"Come on, Clank…" the Lombax mumbled as he passed his companion. The two young girls giggled as they made their way back to shore.

After the two returned to their hotel room for a while, Ratchet had decided to go down to a bar just down the street from the hotel. "Even when I'm on vacation, I can't get a break!" he had said before leaving Clank alone in the room to watch more of his shows on The Science Channel.

Now as he sat there, a beer in front of him, he was busy smooth-talking an attractive woman in a red dress and a pair of high heels. It was obvious by her slightly slurred speech that she had already had just a little too much to drink. "So, you're Ratchet," she said, leaning forward. "You're even more handsome than your holo-pics…"

"That so?" he replied with a smug smile before taking another sip of his beer.

"Cool!" came a shrill voice from his left. In his shock, the Lombax spat out his mouthful of beer, spraying it all over the woman next to him. She shrieked as he tried to spit out an apology, but before he could, she simply huffed and stomped out of the bar. "Hey! Wait!" he called after her. Ignoring him, she slammed the door as she exited. He then glared in the direction that the voice had come from.

Of course, standing there staring enthralled at him were Snicklefritz and Skookum.

"You two again!" he shouted. "What do I have to do to get a break? How did you even get in here?"

"I pick locks!" Skookum screeched happily.

For a long moment, he just stared and growled at the two children, who still stared up at him with animated smiles. Then, he threw his beer aside, causing it to crash into a wall, then grunted and exited the bar, mumbling to himself, "That's it. Where's Clank?"

Returning to his room, he found Clank still watching the holovision. This time, he was watching a documentary about a planet he had never heard of before called Earth. After he had slammed the door and stalked into the room, the robot finally looked at his partner. "Ratchet?" he asked as he noticed the Lombax packing his things. "What are you doing?"

"_I'm _not doing anything," he replied, looking over his shoulder. "_You're _checking me into the psych ward."

The sign outside read, "East Metropolis Psychiatric Hospital". As Clank, escorted by one of the nurses, made his way down the hall, he could hear the sounds of the other patients - some laughing maniacally, some screaming as if they were dying.

Finally, they arrived at their destination - Room 47B, at the end of the hall on the right. He thanked the nurse as she walked away, then lifted a hand to the doorknob and carefully entered.

At the right side of the white room was a simple bed with a nightstand next to it, a small table lamp resting on it. Across from the door was a wooden table and chair sitting in front of a small barred window. Sitting at the table, staring out the window, was Ratchet.

After a moment, the robot finally dared to speak. "Ratchet?" he said, careful not to shock the Lombax. He turned to face his partner and smiled. "Hey, Clank!" he said happily. Clank sighed in relief. His partner had been here for about a week and a half now, driven into madness by his two eight-year-old stalkers. The last time he had visited him here about two days ago, the Lombax hadn't said or done anything - he just stared blankly out the window at passing ships. At least now, he acknowledged his presence. "Great to see you, buddy!"

"It is nice to see you are recovering, Ratchet," Clank replied, hopping up onto the table.

"Yeah. Hopefully, I won't be in here much longer."

"Ratchet?" came the voice o the nurse as she entered the room. The two turned to face her as she continued. "You have more visitors."

"Did you bring Qwark or something?" Ratchet asked. Clank simply shrugged and shook his head. As they looked back toward the nurse, she ushered in his two visitors. Ratchet stared wide-eyed at them. _He may be in here longer than we had thought…_Clank thought with a cringe after the nurse left.

"Hi, Ratchet!" the two little girls shrieked in unison. Ratchet's cried echoed through the halls of the institution.

"AAAAAAAAAH!"

* * *

**Man, this one was fun to write! If it doesn't make sense to you, the reader, then that means I have succeeded in this! XD**

**Torturing your own characters is fun. Torturing someone else's…even more fun!**

**I feel kinda sorry for our poor little Lombax, though… XD**


	5. To The Sky

**Once again, inspiration hit me like a ton of bricks while I was listening to music. When I was listening to this song, it reminded me of the wings that Venus had built before she left Quantos. It got me thinking that there's no way she just knew how to fly, since, after all, Lombaxes don't usually fly. Not just that, but it probably took some getting used to in order to get the hang of the neural signals needed to flap them or keep them spread. And thus, this was born!**

**Unlike my last little crackfic, this one at least has a little to do with my trilogy. :)**

**P.S. This one takes place after Venus saved the chief from the Zyphoids, but a few years before she met Ratchet. I'll say she's about eighteen in this one, being that she and Ratchet are the same age, give or take a few months.**

* * *

"Hand me that wrench, would you?" a female voice said to the Fongoid who sat next to her in the grass. For some time, she had been tinkering around with her tools, building something, but he didn't know what. At first, it had looked like a metal back brace. Then, as the contraption grew more complete, he saw she was crafting extensions from within the brace, which then began to look like large bat-like wings. He wanted to ask her what they were for, but held his tongue and handed her the tool she had asked for from the pile next to him. "Thanks," she said, barely looking up from her work.

He had always thought this girl was rather strange, ever since she had first come to the little village on Quantos when she was just an infant. She grew up quickly, thinking for many years that she was just a different-looking Fongoid until a tourist had told her what she really was - a Lombax. Sure, she had guessed that she was a little different from the other children in the village - that was evident by her white fur and the black stripes that marked her large ears, cheeks, arms, and tail. Her light blue eyes that stood out from the pitch-dark fur that surrounded them and her small pink nose had also been indicators. But never before then had she guessed that she was a completely different species, let alone a dying one. Nothing had ever been quite the same for her after that, which was why she left the Fongoid village to live on her own in the little stone cottage in the jungle.

Even before she had saved the chief from his attackers (the Zyphoids), this particular Fongoid had visited her quite frequently. He was the only one who ever had.

Finally, after watching her tighten another bolt on the device, he finally dared to ask, "What is it you're doing again, Venus?" After that, she sat up and wiped her grease-covered hands on her knee-length dark blue dress and black leggings, looking back at the Fongoid. "I told you before, Tani," she said. "I'm building a pair of wings for myself."

"Right…but why?"

She simply shrugged and replied, "'Cause I can? I don't know." Then, she wiped the sweat from her brow and returned to her project. "All I know is I'm almost done." This was a very proud accomplishment for her, since she had been working on them for the past six months or so. She had first gotten the inspiration for this project one day when she was watching some birds flying over the treetops near her home, when she started wondering what it was like up there beyond the grasp of the trees…in the realm in the clouds. And so, when her Fongoid friend had visited her that very same day, she had asked him if he'd help her find some spare parts and scrap metal in the jungle. He had asked what they were for, but she told him it was a surprise. It wasn't until after she finished the brace and had begun working on the wings that she told him what the project was.

"I just have to tighten a few more bolts," she began, "then make sure the neural sensors are properly in place." Tani often found himself wondering how she knew all these things about mechanics and such - before she went to live on her own, she had never even left the village. Eventually, he just assumed that every Lombax was a natural-born engineer, even though this made little sense to him.

After ensuring that the neural sensors were all in their rightful place, she pressed the black button between the two wings, causing them to disappear into the brace with a mechanical whirr. Tani jumped when he heard the sound and looked at Venus as she smiled victoriously and held up her creation. "Done!" she said excitedly. She then stood up and held the device out for him. "You mind?" she asked as he got to his feet. He knew what she meant, and nodded, taking the brace from her hands. She turned around and lifted her arms slightly. "Uh…" he began, looking the device over carefully. "How do I…"

"Just put it on my back," she explained. "It should attach automatically if I wired the sensors right." He did as he was told, an as soon as the object touched her back, its sides clamped down on hers, attaching itself tightly to her back. Tani jumped as he released the brace. "Great!" Venus exclaimed. "Now, I just need to-"

Before she could finish her sentence, however, the wings had burst from their hiding place and begun flapping, thrusting her into the air. "Venus!" Tani called after her as she twisted to avoid tree branches, her wings bringing her higher and higher into the sky. All he could do was watch helplessly. "I don't know how to stop them!" Venus shouted back down to him, flipping over several times before she managed to straighten herself out. She remained that way for several minutes before sharply turning back and flying straight towards him.

"Move it, Tani!" she shouted as she drew closer to him. He realized that she couldn't control her motions just yet, and sprinted in the opposite direction. Before he got too far, however, she flew into him, but her wings continued to propel her forward, the helpless Fongoid gripping her shoulders as they were brought upward once more.

"Did I mention th-that heights make me nauseous?" Tani stammered as he looked down at the forest floor far below them.

"I swear to Orvus, if you throw up on me…" she growled at him.

"Can't you control them at all?"

"I've been trying to!" Suddenly, they noticed that the wings had stopped bringing them up, and were now simply flapping, keeping them suspended in the sky far above the ground. Everything looked so beautiful from up there. Even the Fongoid village could be seen from where the two hovered. Even Tani, with his acrophobia, had to admit to himself that the sight was breathtaking.

"This is why I was building these," she said, looking at him as he marveled at the view. "Isn't this incredible?"

Seconds later, however, she lost control of her wings again. They flapped wildly for a second before quickly propelling them forward again. The two screamed at the top of their lungs as they suddenly plummeted downward toward the stone wall of Venus's little cottage. Just as they were about to hit the ground, Venus twisted herself around so that she would land on the earth instead of Tani. Her back cracked multiple times as she landed hard, skidding in the dirt a few feet before the wall stopped them. Her head slammed against the stone, and his knocked into hers. For a second, they lay there gasping for breath before he lifted his aching head and spoke. She moved her head to listen to him.

"You…might want to practice with those a bit more…" he gasped. After that, he fell off her, landing hard on his side. She sighed and let her head fall back against the hard wall behind her.

* * *

**Song that inspired this: To The Sky by Owl City. I'm sure you can all tell by now that I love Owl City. =D**

**Anyway, I probably won't be writing anything else for Tani. He was just sort of an expendable character made solely for this fic.**


End file.
